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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Goodbye

There were many things to remember this Christmas.

Little Man went snowboarding with us, a first. We drove through a blizzard to make it home for Christmas. Baby Girl, being the perfect age for the holidays, was fascinated with Everything Christmas; the lights, the tree, the songs. . . She believes in Santa Claus wholeheartedly and every present she opened was the best present ever.

But, all that faded in the background, with the news that came the day after Christmas. A good friend from my past passed away during the holidays. He was in his late 30's and had either a heart-attack or anurism (undetermined).

Our worlds collided (literally) 15 years ago. I was headed home. He was hauling some big, huge pipe-like thing back to his work. It fell off his trailer and I ran over it. It was lodged under "Rhonda the Honda" and only two things were replaying in my mind; My dad's gonna kill me and This Guy is really Cute!"

We became good friends and at times a little more. Immediately, he was a member of our family. We all thought so much of him. . . just couldn't help it. . . he was simply a great guy!

It's hard to understarnd something like this. Impossilbe is the better word. If anyone deserved a long, full life, it was him.

When I'm upset, I usually call as many friends/family as it takes until
1. I get it all out.
2. I get an answer and even better a little understanding.
(Blogging helps too)

One of my friends helped a little. She said that she believed that we are all sent here to do something in life, we have a purpose. He just finished up early and went on home.

I'm not sure if it helped the hurt (doesn't feel like it), but it helped me make some sense of it all.

My friend, I am a better person for have known you, thank you.

Three things I'll always remember; your bright smile, your funny sarcasm, and your loving heart. You are missed.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Bath Time Talk

Baby Girl's playing in the tub. I run in, grab dirty clothes, and ask "you doing okay." She answers, "Yes. . . . But Mama, my booty has got a hole in it." Isn't she just the cutest ever!?!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

The Cost of Fun

Girls night out was scheduled for Thursday night. At my suggestion, we were going to a Karoke Bar. I've been practicing for several weeks. . . ready to tackle Carrie Underwood, Lorretta Lynn, and Janis Joplin, all in one night. The days leading up to the big event have been crazy. I'm not going to whine too much, I'm sure it's been equally chaotic for the rest. It's like there are a million and one reasons not to go to girls night out and one main reason to go, It's called SANITY.

The day of our night out was the absolute longest day ever and not b/c I didn't have much to do. It just was crazy busy and crazy long. But the time finally arrived and we walk into the bar. They are setting up for a band. Are you kidding me? I ask the waitress what about Karoke. She says that's on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I was sooo disappointed. We're suppose to have these nights out once a month, but in truth, we'll probably not get another chance until after the holidays.

Oh well, we pack up and head for a Country Dance Bar. The line dancing was fun. Although, I don't smoke, I think I should in places like that. I'm breathing the smoke anyway and at least with the cigarette maybe I'd get something more out of it than stinky clothes and a sore throat.

I made it home around 1:00 and while I thought, that's going to cost ya, I had no idea. I jumped into bed, stinky clothes and all, and quickly passed out. Less than an hour passed and Baby Girl was by my bedside, mommy, I have to go to the bathroom. Can I ask, why don't they ever wake dad? Why is it always mom? Anyway, I stumble out of bed, take her to the bathroom, shuffle her back to her bedroom, as she asks, "can you lay down with me." And tonight, it was not a problem, I was too tired to try and make it back to my bedroom anyway. We quickly fall back to sleep.

Less than an hour later, I hear Little Man crying in his room. I jump out of bed, forgetting I'm in Baby Girl's room, hit my head on the top bunk, fall out of her bed cursing under my breath and stumble to his room. Now, to fill you in, he's been waking up since Halloween due to bad dreams, and I've been routinely climbing in bed with him against hubby's advisement, I might add. It feels like freakin musical beds, I must stop it at all cost.

I go into his room, do not even give him time to explain, and start lecturing something about facing your fear, mommy and daddy (probably sleeping peacefully in our bed, I might add) are just down the hallway, you are fine, I love you, goodnight. Okay, so it didn't work. He was up more than he was asleep as I laid in bed thinking tomorrow is gonna totally suck.

Little Man wakes up with "the look ." I can recognize it anywhere, poor baby's really sick. And to make it worse, it's Field trip day and Fall Carnival Night at the school. I meet hubby and little man at the doc's office, and it's official he has strep throat. Oh the guilt, why didn't I just jump into bed with him last night only after dosing him with tylenol cold.

Anyway, I survived the rest of the day at work. I made it home to make chicken noodle soup for my sick baby. Thank goodness, Grandma picked Baby Girl up and she seems fit as a fiddle. I go to the school carnival to fulfill my duty working in the 1st grade booth, make it home in time to tuck sick boy into bed, and then climb into bed myself.

And by the way, do I have a sore throat, aching muscles, and a pounding head? That would be a yes! Girls night out did come at an exceptionally high price this time. Will I be back for more? DEFINITELY!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Kids Say the Darnest Things

Sitting at the table doing homework, Little Man asks, "Mom, is Holy Shit a bad word?" Trying to keep from laughhing I reply, "Yes honey, that is a bad word!"

Saturday, November 11, 2006

The Tooth Fairy

The other day at school, my Little Man lost a tooth. He's been visiting the school nurse every day for the last week seeking medical advice and a general time frame on when it will fall out. She was probably one visit away from yanking it from his head in sheer frustration.

She gave him a cute little container to put it in and he was back off to class like a king caring his most precious possession. I don't know exactly what happened but somehow he lost it. According to him, it was there and then it just. . . poof . . . disappeared. In reality, I'm sure he just showed it off one too many times.

If I know my son and I do, he was seconds away from complete meltdown, tears welling up in his eyes, and the end of his world approaching fast. His teacher, so quick and witty, saves the day. She says, "Find a rock that looks like a tooth, the tooth fairy won't know the difference." What an amazing woman, her solution, simple and perfect. And he bought it hook, line, and sinker.

Bedtime is a breeze and the Tooth Fairy is on her way. It's weird! A couple of years ago, Little Man starting questioning Santa and finally concluded Santa is not real. However, he believes in the Tooth Fairy 100%. He told me that the Tooth Fairy brought a little girl in his class, $14.00 for her last tooth. Can you believe that?

I'm running around the house trying to scrape up at least $5.00. Before, the Tooth Fairy only left a dollar per tooth, but she just happened to be in a most generous mood and left $5.00 for the last tooth. Come to think of it, Mommy and Daddy were on vacation and Nana happen to be watching the kids, thanks alot!

While my husband is giving me . . . that, $5.00 is too much, look. . . following me from room to room as I dig up change, I finally have $5.00 in quarters, dimes, nickels, and, yes, pennies. I grab Baby Girls piggy bank and exchange the change for dollars, sneak into Little Man's room, pick up the fake tooth, and leave the money.

The next morning, Little Man comes running into my room, dancing around with the money, so excited the Tooth Fairy came. Baby girl is disgusted and demands she wants money too. Little Man says, "No problem, I'll help you find a rock that looks like a tooth, put it under your pillow at bedtime, and the Tooth Fairy will come tonight." He looks at me and says . . .

"You know Mom, the Tooth Fairy won't know the difference!"

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Help Needed

Wow! I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've blogged. I miss it terribly. So much has happened, many of which would have made killer blogs, like this:

I interviewed between 40 and 50 teachers. I'm looking forward to working with them. In looking for some bilingual assistants, I ran into some pretty interesting people as well.

One was from Peru but she's been in the States for the past 9 years. She's going through a divorce b/c her husband says she's too Americanized. Ten years ago, her parents had her make a video for American men who were looking for a slave, I mean wife. This guy chose her, he flew to Peru and married her, 2 months later, she's leaves her country, family, and friends and moves to the States. She doesn't speak English, he doesn't speak Spanish. It's a match made in Heaven. Two children later, she wants to venture out of the house and make a life for herself, and he's ready to look at new videos.

Another interesting meeting was with a lady from Mexico. She was your typical churchy, over-the-top definitely not grounded, missionary to the States from Mexico. She was seeking employment to pay for upcoming mission trips abroad. She had a green card, but in bright red letters it said, not authorized for employment. No problem.... b/c she said she'd offer her services in exchange I would make "donations" to her church and in return they would give her the money. Sounds like a great church, huh. While waiting for a smile and reply that I had been set-up by some cool, totally new hip reality series, I ended the meeting with thank you and I'd be in contact, yea right.

I actually found someone who is bilingual, eager to work, and Legal. (or so I thought) She's legally here in the U.S. but she's driving illegally. She is without a license or insurance. Great! So, we have to let her go.

I really want to keep blogging b/c so much has happened in the past 4 weeks, but the kids are hungry, the puppy's diaper needs to be changed (I'll save that blog for later), and Amazing Race starts in an hour.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Amazing Love #2

Again, there's no particular order, I probably shouldn't number them. It's just me thinking of people who have had a definite impact in my life.

While my dad found a woman, who from toddler to teenager showed me amazing love, my mom found someone who became my dad. So, I am blessed to have two amazingly, wonderful fathers. I really don't take it lightlly. I have a friend who has never met her father, and another whose father is a jerk. So for me to say, I had two in one lifetime, is nothing short of a direct blessing from God.

I was never looked upon as a "step-daughter" as I guess the world, who knew, saw it. I was always his girl. When people saw my brother, they would say he looked just like my mom. When they saw me, they'd say, I looked just like my dad. We'd just smile!

He spent countless hours in the front yard playing catch, usually burn-out. Or, we'd spend the afternoon in the driveway playing basketball, pig and round-the-world come to mind. He taught me to ride a bicycle and a little Honda 50 motorcycle. One snowy day, he pulled my best friend and I on a sled behind his car. We must have gone all over the neighborhood. During the summer, we were on the boat. He'd pull me up and down the lake on ski's, kneeboard, or in the tube. When teaching me to drive, I nearly took out a Braum's. I don't remember any of my friend's dads spending that much time with them, you talk about someone going way above and beyond the call of duty.

I know I wouldn't be the same person today if it weren't for him. The number one thing he instilled in me was, the sky's the limit, there's nothing I can't do. Although I was always the shortest in my class, he encouraged me to play basketball. I aways enjoyed singing. If fame was decided by a dad's love and encouragement, I'd been the next Reba McIntire. From an early age, he had me singing in church, plays, restaurants, and school. I even performed in the 80's at a Republican Rally for Pres. George Bush. Because of him, I have the confidence of the world.

I honestly believe that he was and still is my biggest fan. And it was also he who I feared the most. Not that he would ever stop loving me or that anything would change the fact that I'm his daughter, but somehow I'd disappoint him so bad that I would kill the spark in his eyes. I don't think any father has ever been so proud of their daughter as he is in me. When I found myself needing help out of a mess which I created, making that call home to him was the most difficult. Of all the heartbreaks in my life, seeing his break was the worst.

This is only a glimpse of what he gave and still gives me. His love, support, confidance, pride, is nothing short of amazing!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Poop Patrol

Friday, I finally took Little Man to the doctor. He's been complaining for some time about a stomach ache.

First of all, you must understand my son. He tends to be a complainer and if you'll lend an ear, he'll give you an earfull. He's one that sees the cup as half empty rather than half full. He's quick to point out what's wrong rather than what's right. I'm having to teach him how to be thankful (definitely another blog). It's hard for me b/c, being thankful has always come easy.

And as far as being sick, it's something different each day. His legs, his head, his belly, etc... So when he started regularly complaining about his stomach hurting, it took me a while to pick up on it. You know, it's kinda like The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

On the way to the appointment, Little Man asked if he'd have to get a shot. I said I'm not sure, but if it makes your belly better, do you want it? His reply was I'll do anything to stop my belly from hurting. (ouch ... I should have taken him in long before now)

So the doctor x-rayed his belly. He asked Little Man how long his belly has been hurting. He said for over a year. Okay, there's no way it's been a year, but it's definitely been weeks. Just how many weeks. . . I can't say.

The doctor showed hubby the x-ray which you can visibly see, He's backed up. Doc checked all his organs and Thank God, says that everything's working just fine. Told us to give him this medicine for the next 5 to 7 days and then check back with him.

Poor thing, he's been living in the bathroom for the past 3 days and it's probably gonna be another 4 days before it stops. His bottom is so sore. I don't know what else to do but have him sit in the tub as much as possible and cover him in vaseline.

Hubby lovingly says, the doc didn't tell him anything he didn't already know, our son's full of shit. And while I find the humor, this little incident struck a chord in me. I don't know what I'd do without Little Man. I absolutely adore his sweet, sensitive side and how I'd go on without him? Well, that would just be impossible.

Okay. . . . so. . . . no harm, no foul. He'll spend the next 7 days in the bathroom, get better, and life will go on. In the mean time, I've got to figure out how to catch these things earlier, but at the same time refrain from feeding the "I'm always sick monster inside him."

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Smelling the Roses

All things considered, this could have been a terrible day. I'm extremely tired, incredibly moody, and have zero patience. But, I made it through the day without so much as a . . . . . knockdown, drag out fight with hubby ( we did have a pretty intense argument, however) . . . . . the kids somehow escaped mom's wrath without even a spanking (this is definitely a miracle considering we grocery shopped at Walmart). . . . . and finally I managed to have a productive day at work (even in a foggy state from the night-time cold medicine I took not for a cold, but for sleep at 5 this morning) Impressive, I know!

Through it all, I even found some cute moments that made me laugh. Heading out the door to grab dinner (definitely wasn't going to cook tonight), Baby girl says, "You is Crazy!" Little man replies, "No, I'm Not! I'm your brother."

Sigh. . . . . My kids, one minute making me crazy, the next making me smile.

Little Man's collecting rock fossils. He's sure that he's going to find one that will make us rich." Baby Girl's collecting walnuts. She seems to think the squirrels around our house have more than they need, so she's gathering them for Grandma's squirrels. She cracks me up when talking about them. "Hey Mom, Look at My Nuts. . . . . . . . I've got some Big Nuts. . . . . . . Daddy, Where's My NUTS?" Hubby and I just laugh every time she mentions "her nuts." However, hubby's not finding any humor in the stacks of rocks and piles of nuts in his garage.

People say you've got to stop and smell the roses. . . I think these moments are the roses their talking about.

After dinner, Little Man stands in front of the candy machine and asks, "Mom, do you have any cents?" My answer, "No, I lost all my sense a LONG time ago!" (Smile)

Still no Spell Check, weird!

Sleep, know where I can find some?

It's after four in the morning and I can't get back to sleep. It's becoming a nightly thang. I can go to sleep at midnight and I'll wake up around 3:00. Last night, I went to sleep after 9:00, same thing, up at 3:00. I don't think there's anything more frustrating to me than not sleeping, with the exception of dieting. In the past, I've been quick to blame hubby, but I don't know. I'm kinda seeing a pattern here. Last year, sleep deprivation and head, neck, and shoulder aches were a constant. This summer, a had the occasional bad night, but it was much better. I had almost written it off as I'm cured. But, over the past few weeks, it's come back in full force, same as work. Is there a connection?

I'd rather blame hubby than I can't handle stress. And it's true, he's a loud sleeper. I compare it to the hose of a vacuum, you know the sucking sound it makes if it gets to close to an object. I've tried to talk him into being tested for Sleep Apnea. Hell, I've almost diagnosed the man with that sleep disorder not because he's waking himself up, but He waking me up! I'd win both ways, he'd not be able to make those noises and the machine would be something similar to my fan (which he made me give it up when we married)

Oh, by the way, we've tried snore strips, aroma therapy (we found at the fair, guaranteed to stop snoring, not his), ear plugs, sleeping pills for me, and different mattresses. Just thought of something, when we were in Mexico, he didn't snore. He said, he didn't sleep well, who caares, I slept awesome. So, maybe that's the solution, move to Mexico and let him deal with not sleeping. (better him than me)

I hate to call them headaches b/c it's more like neck, shoulder, and head combined. To me, it goes way past a simple head ache. I've taken migraine pills, you know the ones that taste a little like spearament and dissolve on your tongue. But, unless I'm going to bed, I hate the way it makes me feel. Comatose would be a good adjective. And, on top of that, our insurance doesn't cover meds, another good reason to not take them.

So, what to do? My dad gets up around this time and starts work. There would be perks. . . it's quiet, few distractions, I'd probably get alot accomplished. Only one problem comes to mind, I'm an absolute bear if I haven't had sleep! I take it out on anyone around me. . . hubby, the kids, friends, whomever! I'm totally miserable the next day and become dead set on making as many people around me miserable too.

My solution, at least for tonight, grab the blankets, ibupofen, and the fan. Make a bed in the closet (it's huge) and, hopefully, will myself back to sleep.

*** Spell Check not working and tonight I don't even freak'in care.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Amazing Love #1

Not that she's Numero Uno on my list of those who've shown me Amazing Love, I've just been thinking about her over the past few days.

My Stepmother, a word that could represent all things wicked and evil, instead represent love and all things beautiful.

I was a snotty-nose runt of a kid, when she came into my life. From toddler to teen, she showed me Amazing Love.

I wasn't the easiest child to love. While I had my good points, I tended to be a little spoiled, demanding, hard-headed, stubborn tyrant who demanded nothing short of Disney Land each and every summer!

By personalities, we were complete opposites. She embodied all that was proper, elegant, and good, completely ladylike from head to toe. She had impeccable style and beauty, truly a picture of perfect etiquette and grace.

While I dreamed of having those qualities, in reality, I was a tomboy, lacking any style whatsoever, a total cluts, an accident waiting for a place to happen.

I liked the music of Hank Williams Jr, she liked Neil Diamond. My favorites were Jaws, Grease, and Indiana Jones, she preferred operas, ballets, and musicals like CATS and the Nutcracker.

If she had been looking, I gave her a million and one reasons to hate me but instead she searched out the ones to love me.

What could have been the worst summers of my life, were instead the best!

  1. Playing on the Slip-N-Slide for hours singing Slip Slid'in Away
  2. Dancing like gypsies adorned with her black slips and red do-rags to Donna Summer's Bad Girls
  3. Work'in Hard for the Money at the All-Day Lemonade Stand with average profit $3.50
  4. Cruiz'in the strip, cool sis riding shot gun, me in the back singing Elvira and Just a Swing'in (With all my loud, obnoxious ways, I never remember her demanding quiet time like I do with my own kids)
  5. Cleaning my plate, NOT! She, my partner in crime, helped many veggies go MIA under the dinner table (not sure if dad ever detected the crime)
  6. Curing the Ugly Duckling Stage (at least for one night) While my sis was on a date, she fixed my hair and make-up and let me model my sister's pageant gowns while she took pics like I was in a photo shoot.

I love her so much. We lost contact many years ago, maybe it was the miles or just busy lives. While so many step-parent relationships end in disaster, thanks to her and her amazing love, ours was beautiful!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Warning, It Gets Deep!

At church last Sunday, we were put into groups to discuss one key person in our life that was a friend who stuck closer than a brother. You know, someone who came along during a dark time in life offering support, love, and guidance. Someone that radiated light during a dark time.

We actually had a whole week to come up with that one person. He gave us the assignment the Sunday before, we were even suppose to bring a picture of that special someone. Sounds easy, but not for me.

I spent time throughout the week contemplating who that person was in my life. I actually drove to church that morning without a specific person in mind. Several times throughout the week, I broke into tears because there's not been one person that fits that description. There's a zillion! Many have flooded my life in the shape of family, friends, church members, schoolmates, and those I met at work. Some were intentionally living a life that pointed to God, others, not even aware, were shining with the love of God all over them.

I know there are extremely lonely people in the world who are left to face their problems completely on their own. I remember Tom, a friend of the family, who was this person. He started attending our church b/c he was so lonely. He said that he'd go days without so much as even a touch from another person. To me, that would be torture. Our pastor at the time said that to be healthy, you must be touched 7 times a day. I probably need three times that.

Our church at the time was the most amazing church. It embraced all people regardless of their color, religion, status, or circumstance. You felt the love from the moment you hit the door. The love was never fake, it was 100% genuine. The pastor gave the best sermons, even better was the music, but I'm convinced what kept the place packed was the love you felt from the people inside.

Okay, I kinda have wandered off track. But, looking back over my life, I'm not sure that I've ever felt this loneliness. (Here come the tears) There have been many dark roads that I have chosen to walk down throughout my life (why I don't know, except sure stupidity). In all honesty, I should have completely been alienated and left 100% alone. But, He was always there loving me.

I don't know if I have the words to describe what I feel, but I'll try. I'm completely overwhelmed with the love pouring from Him, flooding beautiful people in my path, destined to rain all over me. Amazing love that I'm not sure if I'll ever understand. I mean, why me?

It reminds me of a song, like to hear it, here it goes! (I know, everything reminds me of a song)

Father's eyes are watching me, no matter what I do
He's always got me own His mind, he's a parent through and through
Like a daddy in a noisy crowd, when I cry He knows my voice
I'm flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone
I don't really have a choice
Because He loves me so much
He can't keep His eyes off me
And you should see the way He smiles at me when they say
I look like Him
His arms are so big, that where I'm at that's where He'll be
He loves me so much, He just can't keep His eyes off me
This realization means so much to me that I'm now creating a series of blogs. I think it should be titled Amazing Love. It will showcase those, from years past and today, who have shown me His Amazing Love. My prayer is that from these examples, I can learn to show His love to others, as so many have shown to me.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Home Alone

I think I love the Cub Scouts! Hubby does not share the same feelings yet, but I'm hopeful. Baby Girl's at Grandma's. Daddy's taken Little Man and his best friend to the meeting. They will be gone for at least 2 1/2 hours. So, I'm home alone, eat your heart out!!!!

I need to get some work done in the office. . . I need to catch up on blogs (several stories come to mind) . . . I need to clean house. . . I definitely need to wash clothes...

But, I think I'm going to turn on the Nora Jones CD, jump in the jacuzzi tub, and soak all troubles away for the next, oh, at least, 2 hours. Right this moment, life is great!

(Spell check says I spelled "Jacuzzi" wrong, it's suggestion was "Jackass.") ha ha ha

Monday, September 11, 2006

Grandma's Coming Home!

This past week has been a struggle. I couldn't quite figure out why . . . Do I have PMS, nope .... Am I too busy with work, nope... I feel tired and 100% drained, but I'm sleeping fine. So what's the deal?

The kids are going crazy, maybe it's the weather change, doubt it. It's been one fight right after another with emotions running wild. Little man has been so moody, baby girl totally defiant, and me a picture of frustration combined with depression. What's going on?

Finally, it hit me like a ton of bricks. We miss Grandma! While I appreciate Grandma, I have not realized, until now, the importance of her role. Baby girl spends the night with Grandma usually twice a week. She gets her Grandma and PawPaw fix which, believe me, is vital to her and my well-being, while I get to spend quality mom/son time with Little Man.

Every weekend, Grandma and PawPaw spend time with us, going out to eat, watching movies, riding 4-wheelers, swimming at the lake, and hanging out in the evenings on the front porch. I not only love these times spent together but equally love the one-on-one time I get with Grandma. She's gives great advice but is even a better listener. She effortlessly runs interference between the kids and I whenever she's around. That's priceless in itself.

Right now, I'm sitting at the computer while Baby Girl is in her room packing. We'll pick them up at the airport this afternoon. She's determined to spend the night at their house. Okay, so I knew Grandma would be missed. I knew it would be a hard week for Baby Girl. But, I did not realize just how hard it would be for me and the impact it would have on the entire family.

It's grandparents Day and the school has invited all the student's grandparents for lunch. Baby Girl and I met Little Man there. Looking around the cafeteria, I saw all sorts of Grandma's and Paw Paw's, but I guarantee none like ours.

I'm so thankful for both, but today especially Grandma. She has great strength combined with such a sweet disposition. Baby girl has this same quality . . . Total confidence in herself, a force to be reckoned with (no one will ever push her around) but, at the same time, this unmistakably tender side.

As a family, we've counted down the days of their return, now the hours, and soon the minutes. Baby girl wants to dress up complete with a cutesy dress, big bow, and painted fingernails. And why not, it's an important occasion, a much anticipated moment. . . Grandma's coming home!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Ants in yor pans

Little man came home with a story he wrote at school.

Ants in yor pans
by Little Man
ants in my
frends pans.
Ty has ten ants in his pans.
I Do, too.
Ty has ants pans.
Ants in yor pans Make you
Do the Boogee Dans
Isn't he sooo cute and check out that punctuation. He was just beaming with pride as he told me about school today.
He said that's he's in reading group #3, that's the best!!! Last year he was in group #2. He says, "Now, all my dreams have come true b/c I'm in the best reading group". We didn't read at home much last year, I was so busy with work and Daddy's motto is "Why read, when you can see the movie."
Okay, so I wasn't the best last year (did I say I run a tutoring program specializing in reading, oh the guilt).
My redemption, this summer when we were in town, my kids participated in the library program. Little Man read over 100 books, sister had probably twice than that read to her (she wants the same book read over and over and over)
Right now, I'm here everyday after school and am active in Little Man's homework lessons. T1 (transitional first grade) has him way ahead in class. Now the problem is keeping him challenged rather than trying to play catch up. What a great problem to have!
So I'm giving him extra math assignments and I'm paying him to read, something hubby is 100% against. But, I have to motivate him somehow, otherwise video games and gameboy win out every time. You know, I might go broke, but He is Reading!!!!!!!
Life is soon going to get crazy with the start of tutoring, oh please let me juggle work and home better this year. Balance, will I ever find it?

Monday, September 04, 2006

ARE WE THERE, YET?

Adventure use to be river rafting, bungee jumping, and scuba diving, now it's surviving car trips with hubby and the kids. First mistake, we left the TV at home. Second mistake, I realize it at the convenient store down the road from home and didn't insist on going back for it. As God as my witness, I will not travel further than our city limits without the TV when kids are in the car. TV might rot their minds, but it's better than hubby and I losing ours.

We traveled thousands of miles over the summer, it wasn't all that bad with Popeye, Tom and Jerry, and Scooby Doo on board. This weekend, we were in the car just over 3 hours and I can't tell you how many times we heard, "Are we there, yet. . . She's touching me. . . Roll window down, Brother stinks. . . I'm Bored. . . It's taking too long." Whine, whine, whine, fuss, fuss, fuss, fight, fight, fight! NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Oh, and to top it all off, when we made it home, I advised everyone to go to their separate corners for a mandatory rest break. It was almost too quiet, so I checked on the kids. They were crawled up in my daughter's twin size bed watching TV looking like perfect little angels. And let me add, they were touching each other and not whining. Go figure. . .

Friday, September 01, 2006

"He's A Joy"

That would be my son. (thank you, thank you very much) Don't hate me because he's a little ray of sunshine, we had to pay major dues to get here.

Thursday night was Open House at the school. Little man showed Daddy and I around the room. . . here's my locker, here's our pet hermit crabs, here's my cubby, here's my desk, etc.... While I'm going through the motions, inside I'm building up the courage to approach the teacher with the big question. How's my son doing, how's his behavior? Finally, I ask and stand back bracing myself for the answer. With a sweet, sincere smile on her face, she answers, "He's a joy."

I immediately was flooded with emotions. I could have instantly broke down and had a major Oprah moment on her, or on the other hand, lost all regard for personal space (a lesson we are still trying to teach my son) and given the teacher the biggest bear hug ever. Somehow I gained some composure and fumbled out something like, Wow....That's wonderful! ....I'm so glad to hear it!

After I floated out of her room on Cloud 9, I went to Little Man's teacher from last year. I told her how great he is doing and gave her that big bear hug. I give her so much of the credit for his success at school. Thank God for sweet, nurturing teachers.

I know, you might think I'm over-reacting a tad, but let me tell ya. It was just 2 years ago, Little Man was in kindergarten. It was a complete nightmare.

Every day I would drop him off at school and he would walk in crying as I would drive to work crying. That was each day, all year long. My husband, while not completely understanding all the emotion, would listen to me every day on his 15 min. morning break from work as I would cry what a horrible failure I was as a mother and how in the hell will we survive kindergarten not to mention the 12 grades to follow?

There's no worse feeling in the world than sending your child into a situation where he doesn't feel liked by his peers (the worst part of the day for him was recess), where the teacher, although she would never say it, see's your child as "that bad kid," the counselor's giving her 2 cents on why he's "acting out," and finally he'll end up in the principal's office and/or detention at least once a week. I swear, he was sent to the principal's office way more times than my hubby and I were throughout our whole school experience.

I remember sitting in a meeting with hubby by my side creating a "plan of improvement" with the teacher, counselor, and principal. The word "helpless" comes to mind describing how you feel and I don't think there are words to describe the pain. I mean, he's my baby. I just sat through the whole thing and cried. I couldn't talk, the tears were like a faucet that I couldn't turn off.

At the end of the year, their recommendation was that he repeat kindergarten . . . Are you kidding me, we barely survived the first time around.

My saving grace. . . on a fluke, we put our house up for sale, it sold within a week, we built our dream house right behind the cutest little country school, enrolled Little Man into T1 (Transitional First Grade)I quit my job to start a new business (way risky, but it worked out), and thus had more time to be at home for both kids.

It was a time of New Beginnings . . . and Tonight was a milestone. So, you see how those simple words could affect me so deeply?

This evening, I tucked little man into bed and with tears in my eyes I said, "I'm so proud of you, I'm so happy that I get to be your mom, baby you are truly a joy. . . I love you." He reached over and squeezed my neck tight and said, "I love you mom."

What an amazing night!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

"Come In, Berlin . . . Come In, Berlin"

So, you ask what is with me and my hang-up with Victoria Secret? WELL, Let me tell you. When I was but a young, impressionable girl of 11ish, an event happened that so changed my life forever.

My dad took my sister, then 13ish, and I shopping. Thinking back, I can't remember if my step-mom was there or not. (They say you purposely have mental blocks when you experience something so traumatic)

My sister needed a bra, could possibly have even been her first. As she was looking through the different sizes, trying to muster the courage to approach the sales lady about trying one on, that's when it happened.

My dad grabs the biggest bra ever seen, straps it to his head, and starts flying around the store saying, "Come In Berlin . . . Come in Berlin."

And now you know, the rest of the story.

Yes, it is a true story. Although I don't think it had any impact on my current dilemma with V.S., I thought it would make a terrific blog. You might think that now you've heard the most obnoxious dad story ever, oh no, I have more.

Thanks, Dad for teaching me never to take life too seriously and when all else fails, laugh.
I love you!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Baby of Mine

Tonight, the house was quiet, brother finished reading a book (his third book this week, we might actually read all the books before having to return them to the library (a first)) I tucked him in for the night and he was quickly off to dreamland. Daddy is out with the guys.
Sister, just out of the tub, puts on Bear and the Big Blue House pjs (sweet hand me downs from brother, I might add a great garage sell find) She smells like strawberries thanks to Suave Smoother shampoo (I love all their flavors).
She wants to brush her hair as she said "by myselt!" She then says, "I can brush my teet by myselt too." As she's making her way to bed, I have a great idea, "Sis, why don't you let me rock you to sleep?" Her reply, "I not a baby, I a Big Girl." I try to talk her into it, she refuses. Last resort, I'll let you have some chocolate milk.... she caves.
She grabs her blankie (the one given to her when she was just a few days old) , I grab the chocolate milk which she still likes warmed up, and we head to the rocking chair.
What a moment. I'm rocking my sweet baby girl as memories start flooding my mind. As I'm thinking back to the many nights with her in my arms, the song Yesterday by Paul McCartney comes into mind.

Why she had to go, I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday....
She finishes the milk and starts talking mainly to keep herself awake.
1. Mom, when is Santa coming? Not until it is cold.
2..Mom, how can't I have someone pend night? When you're a little bigger.
3 Mom, how is grandpa not walk? Because he's sick and he's lost his balance.
4. How come doctor don't make him new wegs? Honey, they 're trying to help him remember how to use his own legs.
5. Mom, what's that noise? just the rockin chair. (pause) No it's not, it's you cwapping (clapping) my butt.
(lol) Honey, say bottom not b.u.t.t.
6. Mom, I yuv you. I love you too, baby.
ShShShSh, now close your eyes and go to sleep. As I tickle her belly, arms, and face, her eyes become heavy. As she is slowly drifting off to dreamland, I begin intensely studying her face, trying to memorize every little detail. She's amazing... so beautiful, so sweet.
I snuggle up and put my face into her hair, it's not so much the baby smell I use to savor but it's my little girl smell that I'm savoring equally as much.
There will be a time, it will seem as soon as tomorrow, when I will be longing for these times, this night.
Sweet dreams, baby of mine.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Just Can't Help Myself

My son has been in school for 4 days, of those I've walked him to school 1 time (I'm not a morning person, at all), I've met him for lunch 3 days (it took all I had but I reframed yesterday), and walked him home all 4 days.

Hubby is complaining. Your treating him like a baby, you're coddling, him, I bet you're embarrassing him, blah, blah, blah. First, you have to understand hubby. He's ex Air Force (probably said enough there), macho macho man complete with the buzz hair cut, totally top gun material (wait that's the Navy, he'd be mortified) It's why I fell in love with him!

But, I just can't help myself. We've spent the whole summer having soooo much fun with the kids and now that school has taken my little man away.

In just a few short weeks, I will be buried up to my ears with work. It will take me out of town, definitely away from home in the afternoons/early evenings, basically consume me. I'll forget I even have kids. Now don't feel sorry for me, I choose that. I love my work so you see I just can't help myself there either.

But until then, I will make every excuse in the world to meet him for lunch with the Avatar Fruit Snacks in hand which I purposely "forgot" to put in his lunch box and will wait outside his classroom door standing where little man can see me as I watch him make those cute, little embarrased faces. (Yes, I've had teacher shut the door on me before, is that a hint?)

It's true, the cafeteria workers, teachers, counselor, office personnel, principal, and custodian all know me by name. Shouldn't that mean I'm such the supermom instead of that compulsive, overly obsessed woman from across the street?

Did I mention, I just can't help myself?

One last thing, each evening I plan out a new diet which will start the following morning. However, It all is ruined by donuts, I mean breakfast the next day.

I don't get it, I'm such a terrible role model. I mean, I preach to little man about self-control. I say, "you are in control of your actions, there's no excuses."

Keeping that in mind, I did have a South Beach Diet Breakfast Wrap this morning which would have been good if I had not eaten the donut beforehand. (white powder donuts bought yesterday for little man which he didn't even eat this morning)

Wait it gets worse....... I'm hungry and it's not even 12:00, yes I know I just ate breakfast at 10:00..... so as I'm waiting for that self-control thing to show up, I'm eating my left over chocolate birthday cake, yummmmm.

Finally, here comes self-control, I grab a South Beach Lunch Wrap from the freezer. As I'm opening it, out plops a brick hard sugar-free Jello container. I've just figured out that these frozen entrees are not suppose to be frozen. Oh well, I'll just warm everything up, eat a few more bites of that cake while a wait, and by the way did you know that mayo doesn't freeze?

Inside the Entree box, the South Beach Diet people have put some words of wisdom. Walk the talk! Even short periods of physical activity, such as walking with a friend at lunch, can help you to balance the calories you consume. So, I've completely got that covered b/c I'm walking back and forth to the school at least 2 times a day. Don't plan on stopping that any time soon cuz I'm balancing my calories. I've got to tell my husband that.

I've got to go so I can plan out a new diet starting at dinner. I just can't help myself.........

Monday, August 21, 2006

A Pirates Tale

I walked over to get my son from school. Our home is right behind the cutest, little country school. One thing I find incredibly adorable about my son is his facial expressions, they're the best. When he see's me waiting outside his classroom, he gets embarrassed. His eyebrows raise, his mouth makes an oval shape, while his eyes dart back and forth to see if anyone is watching. He does this over and over. While I could be sad of his embarrassment of me, I'm instead too busy smiling and laughing, sooo proud that he's mine.

We walk home, get a snack, and he begins his homework while I look through the papers in his backpack. Now remember, when he tries to be funny, it definitely doesn't work but when he's not trying, he's hysterical. Here's a story he wrote today in class;

My Pireet Tale
Me and Dad saled.
Ahed was fog
We sol (saw) a Pireit
We ran ane hid and I sol Dad wocking
the planek (plank)
I bet (beat) them up
We had sam (some) rump
I asked him what that last word was, he said rump. Mom, Don't pirates drink rump.
Couldn't you just eat him up!

HI, HO, HI, HO... OFF TO THE MALL WE GO!

Okay, I just have to write about yesterday's exciting trip to the mall.

Sunday morning, I actually went to church, and believe me that's totally amazing in itself but even bigger is my hubby volunteered to go with us. Did I say volunteered, wow. We had a good time, I saw all the girls from Thursday night (Girls Night Out at the Honky Tonk), kids had a ball with the best Sunday School Teacher ever (she's a pretty good line dancer too) It was great!

We went to Fudrucker's afterwards, I love their burgers and fries. It doesn't get much better than this And then the clouds moved in as a sign of things to come.

We went to the mall, I need to replace holy panties and lumpy bras, but there's a problem I hate shopping for them. I don't know why, I always have hated it. Hubby wants to go to Victoria Secret, did I mention those stores make me uncomfortable. So, we are enjoying all the stores heading towards Victoria Secret, my favorite being the one with the massage chairs, which I test drove the cadillac of massage chairs....everyone having a pretty good time.

We make it to Victoria Secret.....We go into the store on the perfume side, I have no problems on that side, it's the other side that bothers me. Forcing myself, I start thumbing through bra's while the kids are running around acting like wild lunitics and my hubby tellling me to ask for his opinion on each undergarment.

Meanwhile, in my mind I'm thinking....Okay, it's my B-Day money in which I"m suppose to have fun spending and this is not any fun for me, at all. He's picking up on my uncomfortable state and so he makes a feable attempt to "fix" the situation and says why don't you have the sales lady measure you?

Cue - loud thunder and lightening followed by an immediate downpour! I can't believe he said that, first of all if I don't know my size by 35 yrs old, something is wrong, secondly even if I didn't know, I'm not going to subject myself to the embarrassment of having little Miss. Twenty-something tootbpick with the belly-button ring surrounded by all the enormous pictures of big boobed rail thin supermodels all over the place, measure me. I'm thinking sure thing, right after the chipindale hunks measure your ding-a-ling-a -ling.

Needless to say, I grab the lunitic children and head for the door, I'm done. I make a Bee line for the Ice Cream store, however I'm not sure even that will make a difference. As we leave the store, me with tears starting to form in my eyes and hubby mentally trying to figure out what just happened, we run into the pastor of the church we attended this morning. Oh great, it can't get any better. We play it off, I think and resume our march to the ice cream store.

Once we're seated, kids busy making a mess with the ice cream, hubby asks what just happened, please explain. I blow him off with, you just wouldn't understand. That's not good enough for him so I let him have it. I'm not sure exactly what I said but the people next to us got up and quickly moved away.

The jist of it was First of all, I'm a bargain shopper and to spend $100.00 for 2 bras and 3 panties makes me sick, b/c I can go to Foley's, Dillards, or even Walmart and find the same damn thing with the exception of the name for $10 - $15. Secondly, I coulld spend $500.00 in that store and I will not look like those rail thin, big boobed supermodels in the commercials, hello.....

I called one of my best friends for support, she thinks I"m going through a mid-life crisis, how depressing, does that mean I'm at mid-life, surely not b/c that's soooooo freakin old.

Yes, I will eventually replace my undergarments but it will be on my terms, when I'm totally in the mood, and
heavily medicated......

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Here Goes Nothing

A friend introduced me to her blog and now I'm addicted. She's hilarious and I love reading hers. Sometimes she goes several days without blogging, it kills me. She has said numerous times that I should start one. And so it's taken me months to build up the courage, but here goes nothing.

Not quite sure how to start.... I'm probably suppose to put this stuff on my profile but being new to the blogger world, I haven't found that prompt. Soooo, I'm a newly 35 year old (been recently accused of going through a mid-life crisis) wife to my perfect man, mom to two cuties and currently residing in the suburbs. In the over-all-sceam of things, life's great sprinkled with crazy.

My husband is my knight and shining armor. We dated in high school, did the prom thing, and then went our separate ways.... he the Air Force.....I finished high school and off to college. Years later, right before I was about to give up all together on the male race, our paths crossed and he saved me. He continues to save me on a daily basis.

My children bring light to my crazy world.

My son, from the moment he was conceived, made me a better person, the person I always wanted to be. Shouldn't it be you molding your kids, not the other way around. But, he truly changed my life. I knew he deserved no less than a perfect mom, and so if it killed me (which it feels like it does from time to time) I would give it my all. He was the most precious "pumpkin head" baby, the cutest curly haired toddler, and now the most promising full-fledge boy ever. Crazee mom partnered with perfect dad are raising a a sensitve, loving, touchy, smart, artistic, freckle-nose (which he hates and I love) boy. I would love to spend a day looking through his eyes, for everything he see's, there's a question. I don't know, will he be a scientist who specializes in bugs, a comedian (when he's trying to be funny, he's not but all other times he's hysterical) a lawyer ( he likes to argue, mostly with me) or a preacher (he loves to talk, all the time, when he's awake and asleep) regardless for now he's my little man who keeps me on my toes. My son, the light in my life.

My daughter, from the beginning I knew she was a girl as I knew brother was a boy, brought joy to my life. I cherish the connection I have with my mom and words can't describe what it means to have that with baby girl. She was a beautiful baby, couldn't go anywhere without comments, we actually had someone follow us around at the fair in awe of her, she just was soooo pretty. Now, she is the prettiest little girl who recently left toddlerhood with an even bigger attitude that you can imagine. Her spunk, confidence, joy, hugs, kisses are addictive. With the biggest, most beautiful blue eyes in the world, my little girl is the most precious treasure. What I would give to keep her little but I know my little song-bird will fly and when she does , she will fly high. My daughter, joy of my life.

I am sooo thankful for the support system in my life. I truly have the best family, both my parents and my husband's parents. My friends (old and new) are the best.

Okay, with all of this soooo right in my life, how can I have so many moments of crazy? My life is like icecream (Rocky Road, obviously it would be my favorite) so sweet, cool, but never smooth and routine. So I'm always having weird marshmellow moments filled with nutty people and topped with crazee sprinkes for color. It might sound silly but I thought it was a good analogy.

And Finally, I need a outlet for those crazy moments and thus I'm blogging.
(forgive any misspelled words, maybe I shouldn't mention I'm a teacher, but being new to the blogger world, I can't get spell check to work... it says Pop-up blocked, what the heck does that mean)