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Monday, July 16, 2007

Perfect Little Angels

At the last minute, we decided to take the kids to the wedding. Reluctantly, I called my mom and let her know that we didn't need her to watch the kids. In the car with the other groomsmen, groom, and his son, we began the two hour trek to the little town for the ceremony. Pushing time, hubby drove a little faster than I liked but we made it in one piece with not a minute to spare. In the park's bathroom, I slipped into my wedding attire, dressed little girl, and sprayed everyone down with bug spray. (the mosquitoes were awful)

Taking full advantage of me loading everything back in the car, the kids ran off. Knowing that I or hubby needed to put the fear of God in them and explain proper wedding procedures, they ducked out of sight. Before I knew it, the bride and other bridesmaids arrived and pictures commenced. I was unable to snag a minute in between the photo shoot and the ceremony to talk to the kids. With a deep breath and a silent prayer, the ceremony began. (hopefully hubby talked to them.)

Standing front and center in my designated place, I was in perfect eye sight of my kids. They looked either in total awe or totally drugged. (I don't remember packing the Benedryl) Little Man looked such like a little man in his golf shirt and khaki shorts. Watching the wedding with such interest, caught up in the moment, he looked every bit as handsome as I ever remember. I think he's the only one in the family that can pull off green, he truly made me proud. Little girl sat, big eyed, watching her first wedding in amazement. She looked so beautiful in her dress, the turquoise made her eyes shine as bright as diamonds. She does however need some instruction on how to sit in a dress. Halfway through the ceremony, she was sitting proudly spread eagle, panties flashing the wedding party.

But I want to tell you, they were nothing short of perfect little angels, my kids. I did not have to give one look, they just sat there all reverently and respectful. With the flower girls and ring bearer, they became a little frisky during the reception. Little Man made it onto the wedding video not once, but twice. First, he was caught with his hand up his shirt once again making fart noises during the reception. And then, he snagged a moment at the very end of the video as the bride and groom are driving away, you can hear him in the background,

"HEY, MOM! SISTER'S IN THE BATHROOM! SHE POOPED!"

The video faded to black and that was, what I consider, the perfect ending.
(I hope they don't edit it out, it was a classic.)

The Dress

Two of our closest friends were married this past weekend. The ceremony took place in an exquisite garden surrounded by flowers. They made a beautiful couple, a true picture of happiness. The ceremony from start to finish brought tears to the most stubborn of eyes and the reception was a perfect end to a perfect day.

The weeks leading up to the big day were not so beautiful for me. Okay, the bride, a close friend of mine, asked me to be a bridesmaid. My first emotion was excitement, my second was moved that she would even think of me. She's marrying one of my husband's best friends, someone I have become very close to as well. My answer was of course I would love to stand with you on your day. Husband was asked to be the Best Man, life is good and perfect.

And then, I receive a call from the bride-to-be asking me to run to the nearest bridal shop and try on a dress. It wasn't a problem at all b/c I was just right down the road at a bookstore. Leaving hubby, kids, plus one more in the car, I quickly run into the store, and try on the requested bridesmaid dress. Now, this isn't my first rodeo. I've been a bridesmaid at least four times over but when I tried on this dress, I could not believe my eyes. I looked like the good year blimp. I knew I had gained some weight over the past year, but until that very moment, I hadn't a clue of how much. And you know, I could get over a number, I mean, a number is just a number. But the way I looked in the dress was totally shocking.

Unfortunately, truth be known, I did not have one nice thing to say about the wedding from that point on and vowed on a daily basis, that I would never be a bridesmaid ever, ever, ever again.... so help me God!

I called the bride, gritting through my teeth, revealed my dress size, and stumbled back to the truck. With kids yelling from the backseat, hubby asks how did it go? I, still in a state of shock, mumble halfheartedly, "okay."

For the next three weeks leading up to the wedding, I drifted between rational and irrational. Rationally, I began exercising and watching what I was eating. I lost 4 pounds pretty fast. Redemption was quickly crushed when the bride-to-be brought me The Dress. It was not the same dress I had tried on earlier. It was a more formal dress. A strapless, form fitting dress. A dress that on me, would not zip up the back. I mean, it would not even come close.

Okay, don't panic, I'll just call the bridal shop and get the right size, a double digit size, ugh. They don't have that size in stock and it would take 4 to 6 weeks to get one in, the wedding's in 2 weeks.

Irrationally, I buy some pills promising to work miracles. With my heart racing, I felt like I was wrapped tighter than a sardine, but I did lose 2 more pounds. We then had our annual 4th of July Bash and directly following, we had company. For five days, I ate good and gained back the weight I lost. Okay, with 4 days before the wedding, the dress is not going to zip. I fast three days, buy a girdle, and somehow zip the dress for the wedding.

I convinced myself that I had pulled off the impossible and all with some style, grace, and beauty. But then I saw the video. It proved the inevitable, I looked nothing short of the good year blimp.

The newlyweds are making their way to Jamaica, while I'm sitting here on the computer drinking a diet Sunkist, eating baked triscuits and some Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. The dress is in the trash can.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Pool Talk

Baby Girl was in the pool talking with a new found friend. (Yes, we are swimming . . . finally) Baby Girl smiles and says matter-of-factly, "You know, everyone in town says I'm beautiful." I immediately give her a look and she snaps back, "I just thought she should know!"

(smile) conceited or not, I wouldn't change a thing.