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Sunday, April 27, 2008

The Jerk up the Road

My friends can irritate me, my hubby can make me flat mad, but when you mess with my kids, I’m ready to fight. All rational thoughts, maturity and actions disappear and I have a one track mind. I like to think of it as a fierce sense of protection for my kids, but it might just be plain, all out, revenge.

Today hubby and I had a talk with Little Man about getting out and playing with the neighborhood kids. It was a beautiful day, kids were playing all around, and our Little Man was in his room by himself playing video games.

He did as he was asked and played with a couple of girls across the street until they went in for dinner. He then went to play with a couple of boys up the street. One of the boys was a total jerk and clearly made it known that Little Man was not welcomed to join them. And evidently this wasn’t the first time, this kid has been a jerk to my son.

The thought of anyone mistreating either one of my kids makes me crazy. I seriously want to march over to that kid’s house and give him a piece of my mind and a good swift kick in the pants.

I know I’m the adult and should rise above childish ways, as hubby says “that’s just kids being kids.” But that’s not helping to put it into perspective. This kid hung out with my son just last week. He swam in our pool. I gave him a ride on the Razor. Lord help him when he comes knocking on our door again.

Yea, I really need to go to church tomorrow and hear more on Love One Another, because this kid has struck a nerve.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Life's Little Messes

One minute I’m relaxing by the pool dreaming of the summer to come, the next staring at a big pee puddle in my hallway. There were little pee footprints running to and from, in every direction. I’m not kidding, there was pee down the hallway, pee in the bathroom, and pee all in the laundry room.

Baby Girl comes to me with pee running down her legs, starting to cry, and you ask , what did I do? I wish I could say that I was a good parent, showing awesome patience and understanding.

But that’s not the case. Cleaning floors was the last thing I wanted to do. I jumped on her to the point that she was red face and full of tears. I heard myself say things like “There’s no excuse! blah, blah, blah . . .Next time, stop playing and get to the bathroom . . .yada, yada, yada.”

I had a lot of time to think while cleaning floors. And concluded, I really messed up. (and then some)

Last week, when Great Grandma had her poop incident, I pulled it off better than with Baby Girl tonight. And the sad thing is that Great Grandma’s not going to remember if I was mad or not in 5 minutes. But Baby Girl is taking it all in, not to hold grudges (I hope), but to learn if she can come to me when she messes up. I definitely want her to feel that she can come to me, no matter what. I won’t judge her but will offer a loving hand to help her through it.

Tonight, that’s not the lesson I taught. Instead, my words and actions said loud and clear that accidents are not okay and you better not come to me with such a mess again!

Wow, that sucks! Needless to say, I told Baby Girl that I was wrong and asked her to forgive me. She hugged my neck and said “I love you, Mama.”

This parenting thing is tough to say the least. I’m so much better with after the fact rather than in the moment. God help me do better.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

An Email from My Pastor

Below is an email I received from my pastor. I've referred to him in a previous blog as "former pastor" but Webster say's (I looked it up) that a pastor is a spiritual overseer. It didn't mention a geography requirement. He's still that and much more to me no matter what citiy we reside.

(Me) Wow, what an incredible story. Who could have ever seen that coming? God is really amazing, not so much on our time but always in time. My understanding, patience, and faith was not at it's best this week. I guess I have some work to do. Love you and thanks for the encouraging story!

(Pastor) Please read this, because it is not secret what God can do.

(Story) I wanted to give you all the praise report from !@#$. This was the young lady who was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer and was asked to come to the Good Friday service where Evangelist/Prophet !@@#could pray for her. She told me yesterday during service that she was scheduled for surgery this morning. I spoke with her later this evening and as she began to tell me what had transpired, I knew that God had given her the myracle she was looking for. Let me tell how God has worked in the ladies life. She encountered an issue in which she was told that the Dr. who initially diagnosed her cancer was not an approved Dr. on her insurance and she had to get another Dr. Keep in mind that she has already been diagnosed and setup for surgery to have a complete historectomy once they went in to remove the cancer and this was also after Prophet !@#$ laid hands and prayed for her. When they assigned her another Dr., this new Dr. told her that he wanted to run his own test. He did...and he came back to tell her that he DID NOT see what the other Dr. saw and that he would not be giving her a historectomy. I then asked her "what about the cancer...did he see it?" She told me NO, that he did not see any cancer!! This is where I want to run...because had God not removed the other Dr. who made the cancer diagnosis...he would have gone in and completed the surgery that she DIDN'T need. Ooooh but God...he orchestrated the removal of this Dr. so that he could send the other Dr. in to show her that he had answered her prayer! Thought I would share her results...

(Me) I guess God is still in the business of answering prayer. I've struggled the past couple of years not so much with God but with church. As I've bounced around from church to church at times turning to and from it, I've let my relationship with Him slip. I didn't realize it until crisis mode. I might have some valid issues with the church but it shouldn't deter me from God.

The Wait is Over

I think I held my breath for 9 days straight. The doctor called this evening and the news is good. She has cancer but the MRI shows that it’s not in the tissue (like he thought) or spread to other organs. He says that besides not finding cancer at all, it’s the best news you can get.

In his words, “It’s Very Treatable!” Thank God! He didn’t say what the treatment would be, I guess he’s leaving that to the oncologist. But whatever it is, in so many words, he said she’s going to be okay. Again, Thank God!

The thoughts, emotions, and overall sense of helplessness I have felt over the past week and a half coupled with the loving support of my friends and family will I’m sure make their way into my blog.

But for now I’m going to sleep knowing that my Mom is going to be just fine. I can’t even begin to tell you how good that feels.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Love Stinks

Today, at church, the message was on Love. It was really good and timely, I might add. The greatest of all His commandments, if you want to be most like Him, is to love one another. It sounds so simple but is as he said, the most difficult. He mentioned those that make it look easy, even effortless. Several of my friends and family came to mind. I’m so glad they were there for me this week.

During service, I also started thinking about how I measure up with this commandment and concluded I show a great deal of love, probably better than most. All in all, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

As I was leaving church, the kids wanted some of their friends to come home with us to play. Feeling up to the challenge, I said okay. 5 kids, my husband, and another couple head to El Chico for lunch. The kids sat at one table, the adults at another. We had a great lunch. The kids had kid’s conversation at their table, we had adult conversation at our table. It was great and just another example of how good I am showing love, right?

As I arrive at the house, Paw Paw, Grandma, and Great Grandma pull in. Great Grandma is now living with them. She’s pushing 90 and with dementia, she’s lost her short term memory. She falls often and is just slowly going down hill. Anyway, knowing how much both of them, especially Grandma need a break, I offered to watch her for a couple of hours. The kids were playing wonderfully with their friends in their rooms, it was no problem. See, I’m a pro at this love thing.

A couple of hours later, great grandma is in the bathroom and a foul smell is coming down the hallway. I knock at the door to ask if everything’s alright, have you had an accident? Knowing full well the answer, she calls out, “No, I’m fine.” Yea right. I hover at the door and finally she comes out. . . covered in crap. No joke, it was all up and down the sleeves of her jacket, on her pants, heck it was even in her socks. And my bathroom, there was crap all over the floor. I think more landed outside the toilet, than inside. The smell I can’t even begin to describe. She argued with me as I insisted she take off her clothes and get in the bath. She kept trying to grab the walls with her poopy hands. My love is wavering, to say the least.

Okay, I was making headway getting her clothes off and into a plastic bag. She’s in the tub. The only problem is, she’s not washing, at least not enough to get the job done. Poop is floating around the tub, can it get worse? Yes because I’m going to have to wash this old woman. I’m Not Feeling Much Love At All by this point. I keep telling her it’s okay, but I don’t think either one of us are convinced. Does His commandment to love one another include Great Grandma?

Isn’t it funny? Just when you start thinking you’re all that and a bag of chips, He lets you know, just how stink'in full of crap you are. Did I mention, grandma and paw paw are going to Vegas on Thursday. Great Grandma will be in my care for a full 4 days. I guess Great Grandma counts and He thinks I could use more practice in showing love.


The other night the kids jumped in my bed doing their best to stall bedtime. As Baby Girl snuggled up close, Little Man said, "Hey Mom, Did you know Uncle Jay's farts smell like oranges?"

Thinking I totally missed something, I blurted out, "What?" He replied, " Yea, it's true, he told me so. His farts smell like oranges."

I had to call my brother on that one. We could all use a good laugh!

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The Road Ahead

It’s raining outside as I stir macaroni and flip grilled cheese sandwiches. My mind is at a tug of war going back and forth, whether to blog or not. I guess I will. After all, this is my world. . . the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly.

Mom, I don’t know if I can put into words my desire, my need to be a source of strength and comfort for you. Please let me be there for you. You know me, I'm strong like you, I can take it. We’ve said we’ll be honest with each other and leave nothing unsaid. . . and so, here it goes.

Monday just before lunch, I picked up the phone and called Mom. That morning she went for a colonoscopy so I was locked and loaded with 101 jokes about the test when she said, “they found a tumor, it’s cancer. . . they’re talking radiation and chemo.”

My world stopped. You know, I didn’t even realize it was moving until it stopped. Everything in my life (my husband, kids, job, reports, upcoming trips, summer, dinner on Friday night), Everything faded out and Cancer took its place. The disease is not attacking my body but it feels like it has kicked me square in the chest. It's difficult to breathe.

Mom, she’s amazing. She says she’s at peace with the road ahead. . . while the rest of us sit on pins and needles waiting for the upcoming tests, I think she’s mentally really okay. You know, her biggest challenge ahead is going to be letting us take care of her rather than her taking care of all of us. My mom is most amazing in the little ways she makes each of us feel special, secure, and loved. She’s always there with the right words, touch, encouragement, joke, well with her love. She’s the most giving person I know.

In the tub tonight thinking of the past 3 days, the guilt crept in. I haven’t even begun praying. Shouldn’t I have first and foremost done that, and then repeated every 5 minutes? I know it sounds crazy, but I feel that if I start standing, believing, having faith for (you know the terminology) than that means it's all really happening and at the moment I prefer denial. I thought to myself, you haven’t even turned to God. But then it hit me, everywhere I’ve turned there was God. You know, He’s not in a statue, in some building, in some far away country but I’ve found Him in Missouri, Tennessee, Arizona, and all around Tulsa in the form of family and friends. He’s given me love, support, and encouragement through everyone I’ve called. So I guess I haven't turned to Him in the traditional manner, you know on bent knee, head bowed, eyes closed (not to dish that approach. . . I'm sure I'll turn to that as well) but I have turned to Him.

Mom will have a MRI on Monday and with that the road ahead will come into view.